I'm not choosing to be single

November 7, 2017

I read an article today that said there are more and more people living with their parents until they are 35. They said this was because people were choosing to not settle down. I think I had actual steam coming out of my ears. There are so many things wrong with that statement.

 

First, young people can't afford to move out. In the past a single income could keep not only one person but a whole family. Now people need two incomes just to keep their heads above water. Everywhere we look wages are down compared to wages back in the day. I had to move out of the city to be able to afford a place of my own. I was 24 when I finally left home. I was lucky.

 

Secondly, I have not chosen to be single. I bet there are many who would love to be married and aren't. Most of my friends are in that basket. Both male and female, desperate to be part of a couple, to raise their own little rugrats. But that gets hard when the media tells everyone that macho men who sleep around are the alpha. That men and women who are nice are losers. That women who have careers don't want kids. That you can have fun when you are single but you are trapped when you are married. That marrying someone means having to give up your freedom. That we all should wander off and find ourselves, all alone and independent.

 

You say then why don't I date or try those online places. There are two types of guys on those sites. The needy and the horny. If a guy doesn't ask to sleep with me in the first five messages I'm surprised. Then I find out that the guy wants me to fix something that is wrong with them. Which requires me to drop everything of my own to focus entirely on them.

 

I also had to stop online dating because my criteria is someone who doesn't drink or smoke. Two habits which are bad for the health and or detrimental to any relationship. I come from a family of alcoholics so don't tell me alcohol is merely a social lubricant etc. To me it isn't and I don't want it in my home. The online dating site told me I was being to picky and they stopped suggesting people. 

 

I was once told Kiwi's don't date anymore. That you hang out or you are hooking up and there is nothing in the middle. I kinda agree. 

 

I don't choose to be single. I'd love to be married with kids but unfortunately I live in a world where culture says I'm silly to even want that. Don't blame the young ones for not choosing to settle down not when it is the baby boomers wish fulfillment in media form that forms our culture. I don't choose to be single but I also can't choose to be a couple.

 

 

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