What I need from a book

I read a lot but that doesn't mean I'm not picky. When I'm in the right mood I can read quite trashy stories but they all have to meet certain criteria. Here is my list what I need from a book to be able to read it.

1. Give me people not perfect prose

I can't stand those books that spend two pages describing the farmers in the field, only for the farmers to have absolutely nothing to do with the story. Instead, I want the story to be about people.

2. Don't be lazy when you do describe stuff

I'd rather have no description than a lazy description. Like the word sexy. What does that actually mean it is completely subjective and unfortunately I can't get into your head if you aren't going to let me in.

3. Get to the point

I hate it when nothing happens int he first chapter. I don't want a chapter where the character is wandering through the fields day dreaming. It only tells me that the story isn't going to be worth my time.

4. I don't like reading about victims

I love characters who instead of crying in a corner about how life is awful. I want characters who are go getters. This tells me things are going to happen. This includes other types of characters that I hate. The narcissistic parasites who never grow.

5. Sex too early

I'm not a fan of too much graphic descriptions and if the characters are getting it on in the first chapter I know that the plot is going to be sacrificed for cheap thrills. I want a story not a fifty shades look a like.

6. I want fun

I can read almost anything if it is amusing. I once read a novel about a mail order bride for a vampire, very enjoyable because the whole novel didn't take itself seriously. I think that is the reason why Terry Prachett did so well. I mean his writing is heavy and difficult to read but because of the humour you find yourself drawn in.

Before I even get to the first chapter these are the things I look for on the cover and the blurb

1. Female author: I will read male authors but I find female authors write about characters rather than trying too hard to be something literary. I'm not a fan of literary fiction so I avoid it and that includes most male writers.

2. Female protagonist: Again I will read a male protag but I live in a world where there are more female authors than male and they are finally able to write more and more female characters, why would I read about someone that is inherently different to me when I can read from another woman's perspective.

3. Someone like me: I'm not going to read about the popular girl. I want a geek, nerd, outsider stories as I can relate with that and again why would I read from a strange perspective when I could read someone like me.

4. Spice: I like fantasy, the unusual, the weird and steampunk. Anything that catches my eye I grab. But in the same way I also hate it when it is done in a cliche way.