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Fear of Technology

I'm techno savvy. I can use things like adobe suite and I know how to properly format using Word and mutter swearwords under my breath at hidden formatting from a third-party provider. I have ridiculously long passwords that are different on every website that I use and I hate with a passion those phishing posts on Facebook that ask you to tell hackers all the answers to your security questions.

But that doesn't mean that I'm not afraid of technology. When I started indie publishing I managed it with the help of a friend who gave me really good advice - you don't have to be the expert of everything, just the next thing. This was how I approached it all. It did mean that my first covers were abysmal and yet I was so proud of them. It launched me on a journey I didn't even realise I was starting. I have to say I love digital art now. Though I haven't convinced myself yet that getting a Wacom Cintiq is worth the money. I can have a convincing argument with people over whether Affinity is better than Photoshop - Frankly money speaks louder than every single feature on both. And I can be very snobby about the use of masking layers.

I've just launched into teaching myself vector art. A tangent that isn't too far off what I know. And I'm teaching others how to use my system of learning though I'm only like two steps ahead of them and one of my students has even surpassed me. She will be going far that one. The more I've been exploring digital art the more I think Blender would be fun to learn. But I've hit a barrier.

It scares me.

Well, not really but that is the secondary emotion and I haven't quite figured out what the primary emotion is. I can understand why older people struggle with technology.

I mentioned to some fellow teachers that I was thinking about learning Blender. And that I was daunted by the whole prospect. One other teacher piped and suggested a couple of other programs. I wanted to bang my head on the table. He didn't understand it wasn't the specific software that was daunting but just learning one more thing.

You see I think I'm trying to convince myself that the work will be worth the outcome. At the moment I'm not convinced. It is a little like standing at the top of a water slide. I know it will be fun but I hate the thought of confined places and water. Drowning is a big fear so I'm just scared. I might convince myself if I take away barriers like going on a water slide without any confined areas. So I do the same with technology. I think that was why I can manage formatting on Word but don't even try to convince me Scrivener and Vellum are for me. They are the confined water slide. Just too much. But I'm standing at the top of the Blender water slide and I'm swaying between 'that would be fun' and 'I am going to hate this'.

The first time I went down a water slide it was with my grandad who held me as we went down. The next with my dad even though he hated swimming and water in general. I think I need a mentor or someone who knows what they are doing.

Which brings me to my point. New things are scary. Particularly technology and though I sometimes shake my head at my mother trying to figure out how to get the microphone to work on Zoom, I have to applaud her as well. Older people are jumping into the void daily when it comes to technology. While to you it might be like taking a small step to them it is a jump off the Grand Canyon.


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